In this article (and the video above) we’re going to talk about how to be an influential person, and how to also approach influence, and look at influence with the right mindset. That includes a few misconceptions, which we are gonna touch on, and ultimately, about understanding what it is that we can do to make ourselves more influential, more attractive to others in a way that is going to inspire people to take action and do things that are in their best interest. That’s what influence is about, we’ve always gotta keep that in mind.

What are our intensions?

The first thing that we’ve gotta get crystal clear about is what is our intention, and what are our beliefs about the area that we’re looking to influence in. I’ll give you an example. Let’s say we’re talking about being influential on video, and let’s say that you’re selling a certain product, say it’s an educational product. Now, the important thing is, where is your intention in this conversation? Is your intention about getting someone to buy something so you can earn loads of money and get rich and go live in the Caribbean? Or is your intention genuinely about providing value and helping another human being improve their lives? And do you genuinely believe in what you’re offering? Whether it’s your product and service or somebody else’s product and service, like affiliate marketing for example, do you genuinely believe what you’re offering is there to improve somebody’s life? And will it actually improve somebody’s life?

If we’re not clear about that, if we’re not in line with that, and if we genuinely don’t really believe or care whether it’s gonna positively impact someone, then straightaway, our ability to influence is diminished massively, because people smell bullshit. As human beings we pick up on this, we can feel when somebody has genuinely got our best interests at heart, and when their intention’s in the right place. They show up with a different energy.

You’ve gotta be clear about that from the word go. If you’re watching this and you’re a salesperson in a company, and you’re selling a product that really doesn’t sit right with you, or maybe the company doesn’t quite ethically do things in the way that you feel they should be done, there’s a mismatch between the belief and intention of whether you’re positively, or negatively impacting your customers. If you don’t believe in your product or service, you’ve gotta change company.

It’s uncomfortable

But we can’t be using our excuses, “I’d love to believe in my product, but my product isn’t something I believe in, so I’m just gonna have to suck it up and start manipulating people.” Don’t do that, you’ve gotta change company, you’ve gotta take responsibility for yourself, and make sure you are in an environment that you wanna be in, where you’re actually providing value and helping people in the world. It’s super-important.

Show up with the right intention and make sure that your beliefs about what you’re offering are genuine, I used this example of sales, but this applies to everything. Influence is involved in every human conversation that you have. Any time a human is moved to take some kind of action, influence is involved. So you’ve gotta get that right from the word go.

Communication and Clarity

How is it that you’re coming across, and are you building a relationship with somebody effectively in a way that you’re allowing somebody to know, like and trust you? For example, if you’ve watched the video above, you may have resonated with what I’m saying, you may not. You many not like me. You may look at the video and think, “This guy’s a jackass, I don’t like him. “I don’t like his hair, “I don’t like his teeth, “It don’t like this about him, or that about him,” or whatever. And if that’s the case, it doesn’t really matter what I say, if you don’t know, like and trust me, there’s not really anything I can do to influence you in any way whatsoever.

And here’s another thing, even what I just said there is not quite right. Because we think of influence as something that we do to somebody, and that’s not the case, that’s manipulation, that’s very different. If we’re influencing through inspiration, which is true influence, that’s really where we should be focusing.

If it’s about inspiration, then influence is empowering somebody else to want to do something themselves, and to see the benefits of doing so. To overcome their challenges, to take action and do something themselves.

It’s not making someone do something, it’s empowering somebody else with the belief and drive to do something for themselves, that’s the difference. So, the way that we’re communicating, and the way we’re coming across, everything from our tone, our delivery, our body language, our eye contact, everything around that is building a connection, building a relationship, and relatability, in a way that can enable another human being to decide whether they know, like and trust you.

But there are shortcuts

There are a couple of shortcuts we can use here. Rather than trying to master the entire world of tonality, and body language, and so on and so forth, if you wanna build the ability to enable somebody else to know, like and trust you, or to create an environment where somebody else can know, like and trust you, the most effective way to do that is to work on knowing, liking and trusting yourself.

If you don’t even like and trust yourself, you can’t expect other people to like and trust you either. A lot of that is personal work, it’s growth, it’s understanding yourself, it’s being okay with yourself, it’s forgiving yourself, it’s letting things go, it’s all personal development, which is another topic, I’m not gonna go through it now. But that is one of the most effective ways to enable and empower someone else, or to create that environment where someone can know, like and trust you, is for you to start knowing, liking and trusting yourself. Because if you can do that, the way that you come across instantly has a different energy.

Don’t ‘fake it till you make it’

If you don’t know, like and trust yourself you’re putting false versions of yourself out there. It’s not really you, and it’s like you’re covering up elements of yourself, and creating a false persona for somebody else to potentially like. And that false persona, one, takes a lot of energy to uphold, two, you can’t uphold it forever, there’s always gonna be cracks, and bits that are gonna start to fall apart. And three, it’s not real. Again, people sense that.

You’ve gotta be building relationships with people, and strengthening those relationships so that people, are able to get to know you. That’s the key. And if we’re always projecting a false version of ourselves, because we don’t even accept ourselves, and we’re trying to get someone else to accept us, it’s never gonna go very far, it’s always gonna fall apart.

So communication, tonality, one of the most effective shortcuts is to just become more comfortable with yourself, to work on yourself, to keep growing, developing, forgiving yourself, letting things go, all of the work that goes into that side of things. That is the most empowering way. Because again, when you’re coming from that space, it’s real. It’s not tips and tricks and hacks and things like that.

You’re just real, you’re just you, and you’re okay with you. And when you’re okay with you, other people will tend to gravitate towards you, because it’s a breath of fresh air.

Manipulation vs inspiration

The two sides to the coin. Manipulation is trying to get someone to do something, inspiration is empowering somebody to, off their own back, make a conscious choice to do something. When you’re manipulating, you’re forcing an outcome, when you’re inspiring, you’re attracting an outcome, it’s a different dynamic.

You’re influential then people feel they know you, and they wanna be in your space, because they know that being in your space is gonna empower them, and make their lives better. Manipulation is very hard work, absolutely not sustainable, and creates an environment where you’re building on brick after brick after brick of not liking yourself. Every time you manipulate, that’s just another little bit of yourself that you’ve got to be ashamed of, because you know deep down that it’s wrong. And over time that builds up.

Going back to the last example, knowing, liking and trusting, if you wanna build real human relationships, but you’re manipulating, you’re just creating a false persona, a false environment, you don’t really like yourself, and over time that’s toxic. You can’t be doing this kind of stuff in communication with other people and in life. Don’t do it to yourself. Always focus on inspiration, always focus on the value, always focus on how can you empower someone else, how can you make their life better.

When you show up with that intention, you’re putting brick after brick after brick after brick of knowing that you’re genuinely having a positive impact on the world. It’s allowing you to build that ability to know, like and trust yourself.

The final point

Is to get beyond, “What’s going on with me internally.” So, what’s going on with me internally is everything from your feelings, your emotions, the thoughts in your head, memories. Your mental state. It’s like you’re moving beyond all of the internal stuff that’s happening that can prevent us taking action.

From having that conversation with someone that we know we should have. Prevent us from putting ourselves out there in a way that is gonna create a positive impact in the world. Because when you can start to isolate everything that’s happening within us as a human being in our human body, and recognise that, it’s completely temporary, it doesn’t need to stop us doing anything.

For example, if we’re scared of picking up the phone and having a sales conversation, trying to be at that event, or talk on stage, about something that’s important to us, that we know will make a positive difference, but we don’t want to do it, because it’s terrifying and scary, or whatever it is. If what’s stopping us is what’s going on with us internally, our thoughts, our feelings, our fears, it only exists inside of ourselves. It doesn’t exist in the outside world.

To become someone who is truly influential, you’ve gotta be able to step outside of that, to operate from outside of all of this internal stuff, the fears, the thoughts, the worries. You can’t show up in life saying, “I’m gonna be super-influential, and I’m gonna change people’s lives, and I’m gonna change the world, but only if I feel like it. Only if I don’t feel scared. Only if other people don’t offend me. Only if my mindset is in the right place that day. Only if I’m not having fears and thoughts about I’m not good enough, I’m not this, and I’m not that.” They’re two separate things, we have to have the ability to separate them.

If we can get that right, then we’re able to put all of that together to be sure that we are being an influential person, but from the right space. From the side of inspiration instead of manipulation.