Happy Tuesday from the Dominican Republic!
Had a bit of a nightmare at my changeover in Atlanta, the flight in was delayed by over an hour and I had to go and collect my baggage before my connecting flight, so I had less than an hour to get off the plane, get through customs, get my baggage, check it back in, get to my gate, and get on the next flight.
If you’ve ever been to Atlanta airport you’ll know that getting through customs there can be absolute mayhem half the time. Luckily I made it 🙂
I’ve met up with Roberto & Mirco Triulzi prior to the SFM & DEA Black event I’m attending (with the cofounders Stuart Ross & Jay Kubassek). Roberto & Mirco are a father and son duo who started their online business only a few months ago.
Before I met them, I learnt something very powerful on the plane ride over, from reading Viktor Frankl’s bestselling book: Man’s Search For Meaning. I wanted to share it with you.
It’s a concept called a “Paradoxical Intention”, which in simple terms means that sometimes when you try to do something, your subconscious focuses too much on it and ends up making you do the opposite.
If I said to you “Don’t picture a pink elephant in your mind”, what are you probably now doing as a result of that?
Ever been lying in bed wide away, trying really hard to fall asleep but simply getting more and more fidgety? This is a paradoxical intention at work.
So what’s the solution?
When you’re experiencing a paradoxical intention at work, the solution is to actually focus on trying to do the opposite, and let your subconscious take over with a reverse paradoxical intention. So if you can’t fall asleep, focus on trying to stay awake and you’ll likely start getting tired.
This is a very powerful concept to utilize in other more powerful areas of life too. I used to get embarrassed and turn bright red very often in social situations when I was younger. Luckily it happens a lot less now
But if something triggers me to revert back to that old paradigm that I used to have when I was a kid, and I start turning bright red, I can use a paradoxical intention to instead focus on trying to turn as a bright red as I possibly can.
This usually results in the opposite happening, and more importantly I’ve now pretty much broken the old paradigm that made me do that in the first place.
It can work with anything
Essentially, anything that has a hold over you, controls you, or causes you to feel fearful or out of control, can often be reversed by utilizing paradoxical intentions.
Also by making fun of the situation and essentially embracing the thing that we’re fearful of, it instantly loses its power over you.
Scared of flying? Next time you’re on a plane, try to focus on making yourself as nervous as possible. Turn it into a game, openly talk about it. If your palms are sweatier, see if you can make them 10x sweatier.
See if you can make your heart beat even faster. Embrace the feeling instead of trying to run from it and giving it the ability to give you that horrible feeling of creeping dread.
What are you most scared of? What do you feel fearful about? Try using the power of paradoxical intentions to embrace that fear and destroy it once and for all.
Neat trick to keep in your arsenal right?
I’ll speak to you soon, got a beach to go and lay on now! 🙂
Dan
Dan Holloway – Founder of Scrap the 9 to 5 Ltd
SFM Elite & DEA Black Member of the SFM/DEA
This reminds of something Alan Watts was saying on the topic of love. That we try too hard to love what we “should” love and do what we “ought” to be doing that it ends up becoming an act and no longer the real thing. His conclusion was that love isn’t something we can control, but rather something that finds us.
“Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command” – Alan Watts
Great example Alan, this sums up the whole concept very well. Thanks for sharing this